Just me....

2005-12-20T09:57:00.000-08:00

SUPERSTAR JOURNEY

well.. this should be an interesting topic...
haha..
yeah just in case some poeple dunno.
i joined campus superstar. yeah.
i can't believe i did that..
i know many people will not believe but this is actually the first time i'm singing on stage with so many audience.
i'm a 'singing performance experience zero' person...
hahaha...
so yeah. this time is my breakthrough time!
haha.. first time and it wasn't bad at all..
looking back at it..
i was bringing a fun-loving attitude in this competition and able to hit the top 25 girls is already a super cool thing to me...
i realised. its not easy to climb this far with such a playing attitude u know?
hahaha...
its kinda cool...
1st audition!
having to sing in front of so many strange faces without knowing what they think about my voice is damn cool and freaky!
the 1st song was good. managed to impress the judges i guess..
cos they actually neglect the 3 other songs which i sang and went out of tune. hahaha...
i pulled through the 1st round.
i din know that my entry can make my family so excited...
i was surprised by their reaction...
2nd audition!
u can neber imagine. singing in front of only less than 10 person can freak u out even more than singing before so many people!
surprising isn't it?
but this one was more dramatic!
those girls i'm competing with are really pretty man..
some put on super thick make-ups, some don't bother about how they look.
some like me. practise none stop. some make weird noises considering it as 'opening' voice.
some dance super vigorously...
we were told to have some warm up and try on the waiting room's stage.
almost everyone tried singing on that stage but i din.
thought it was super embarassing. my mum kept asking me to go up and 'try'!
with my character! no way...
some were good. some dance to scary. some sang like for the ants? some just normal and cool.
all kinds.
i was freaking out. though i thought i was just having fun. haha...
wait wait wait. finally my turn.
saw people crying and some jumped with the 'i got in' paper.
super funny!
den when its my turn, its not funny.
i sang only 2 short verses of 2 songs. and they stopped me..
i was like 'damn' i'm out.
the previous girl who got in sang 4 songs?!
judges were considering as my heart almost thump out!
and finally!
"ti ning ti ning ti ning!"
the light was green and i got in!
i jumped ON THE SPOT!
they laughed at me! super pai sey lah!
argghh... shoudn't have done that......
continue with the sad part tml. really tired now!

2005-12-20T09:50:00.000-08:00

ok. i'm surprisingly blogging again...
what's wrong with me?
i dunno...
i got so busy and tight up..
BUT. i din know wad i actualli did..
ok. sorry...
i'm lost here...
anyways... yeah..
things i've given to do, i din do well...
things i'm expected to succeed, i din succeed...
things i'm supposed to do, i din do...
damn! what's wrong with me!!
i'm not moving.. stuck somewhere, somehow...
its not that bad. yet, i just can't describe how it feels like...
lost u know?
did so many things, yet none make me feel accomplished in this holiday.
if i don't do? who's gonna do??!!
i'm contradicting myself! damn!!
ahhhh!!! what am i doing!!!
i don't even know myself these days.
is busy good or what?
haiyo..........!!!!!!!!!!!

2005-12-12T08:19:00.000-08:00

haha.. hu still read this damn dusty blog?
well.. here i go again...
to confess...
i have not been doing well in my life.
had been telling pple to be strong and positive.
i was beaten this time...
those that really know me will understand me..
i wun share my prob until i'm going to burst!
hahaha...
this time. i'm saved from all these...
last few weeks..
have been sturggling with me, myself and i...
time was pushing me...
responsibilities are pushin me..
negativeness has overcomed me...
tiredness has taken me...
well... i was so busy!
i din know i missed out a lot thruout these days...
i din know i've hurt my frens.
i din know i've dissapoint people.
i din know that though i've met people's expectations yet,
i din enjoy myself!
well.. its all gone..
i'm back! eileen's back!
i'm saved!!!! thank GOD for that!
learnt to be strong again!
learnt to grow!
learnt to accept!
learnt to know how to maximise my life!
learnt how to be more sensitive!

people. jia you le!

2005-11-14T08:24:00.000-08:00

hey guys, only if u're reading this.
just wanna let u all know that i'm serious about the chalet.
my schedule is.
15 nov: work (7am to 3pm)
bible conference in church (7pm to 10pm)
16nov: work (7am to 3pm)
chalet with my peeps (all the way)
17nov: leave for work (9am to 5.30pm)
18nov: work (7am to 3pm)
choir practice (7pm to 8.30pm)
19nov:OGL camp (8am onwards)
20nov: service 5 (11.30am to 1.30pm)
superstar? (onwards)
21nov: break
22nov: sentosa for OGL
23nov:squash camp
24nov:squash camp

bleh bleh bleh....
this is how tight my schedule is... just in case u dun understand.
i'm trying to make this chalet a good one.
its short, but i priortise it no matter what.
it hurts when one after another tells me they can't or dun wanna come..
i'm trying my best.. really...
i'm so afraid that i might breakdown halfway...
but please, help me....
let all these be worthwhile...
i pray and pray that i can move on..
frens? it canno tbe measured in coming for a chalet, yet...
it mean a lot to me.. esp in such a schedule.
i've tried my very best...
have you??

-hurt-

2005-10-11T06:51:00.000-07:00

SuRprisE!!!!

those who have been faithfully viewing my blog which stinks now! hahaha.... here is a surprise blog...

well.. promos are over!!!!!!!! PraiSe the Lord....
finally this day we have all been aniticipating has come to pass.
well. i miss my peeps surely.. never less den before.
so those who's 'missing peeps' is reduced, please be ashame!
muhahahaha... obviously i'm happy like crazy!
anyway.. i got lost somewhere, somehow in my life..
but i'm gettin ok~ so smiles.
i'm still here and everything's alright!

just to let u guys know.
finally, i received my breakthrough in relationship with my classmate.
getting better each day..
i feel more natural..
and feel that sometimes my fatty side will be revelaed without knowing.
u guys know its a good news isn't it?
i believe u all will be happy for me.
after all , u guys are the ones that saw my thorugh my loneliest side when i first step into MJC.
its not so bad after all.
God is still good to me.
so anyone reading this.
thank you for still caring about me.
i really appreciate and hey~
next meeting coming up!!!! woohoo...
and!!! so is my birthday.
dun forget like how i forget jo's ok?
sorry jo tay char char.. hahahaha....
oh ya!
exams are kida hard. pray that i wun retain! woohoo.
i know i wun~!!!

2005-07-09T10:18:00.000-07:00

friends?

i wonder why. i'm about to cry when i'm blogging this.
i'm not sad, i dunno. feelings mixed.
issit that easy to give up 1 great friendship?
i tasted it so many times tat i'm sick of it.
to tell the truth, i've never dare to trust 100% when anyone says we'll be frens for long.
and it came true.
i know i have my flaws and mistakes. i wun deny any of them.
u just got to tell me, i'll accept it and try to change.
sound so weak and lousy, yet, tat's how people grow isn't it?
i'm kinda disappointed.
all the hopes and dreams of how we're gonna meet up in the future as who we are gonna be. yeah. just gone.
i'm surprised how one thing can change one person so fast.
i'm amazed how words can kill relationship.
i'm shocked how people can remember what others promised and forget wad he promised himself.
i'm sorry for all tat i've done wrong.

i hope van is reading this blog.
remember how we used to shop when we're in sec 1 and 2? we bought almost all the same things?
remember how much more popular u are compared to me?
remember how jh sided u and jiang sided me?
remember how we 4 talked at playground?
remember how people will misunderstand when we show them the neoprint of the 4 of us?
remember how we manage to get to know bl they all and had a great hoo-ha out of that?
remember how we turned away from one another?
remember how it hurt to lose 1 best fren?
remember how we were there for one another when we lost our guy?
remember how we lost jh and yj?
remember how we reconciled?
remember how we formed a wonderful gang?
remember how we manage to find back the great frenship and frankness we had after reconciling?
remember how u go gaga over zaid when toking to me?
remember how i consulted u when i had probs wif pl and jo?
remember how we were so sure that we wun fall for the same guy?
remember how we had our mooncake festival?
remember how glad we were when we found this frenship back?
remember how we really talk and share with one another bout each of our life?
remember how we compromise to one another?
remember how we find each other for movies all the time?
remember how we tried to stick close and think of ways to gather?
remember how far we dream about each other in the future?
remember how u 3 came my house and we talked and killed ray with our words?
remember how we offered our time for one another?
remember how we encouraged each other to study hard and chiong?
remember how we studied together that night?
remember how we regretted over many frenships that came past us?
remember how great we felt sharing all the past together?
remember how we went thru our sec sch lives with one another?
remember how we know each other so well, we don't need to explain and we'll know?
remember remember?
wad i said was from my heart. i tot u could take it. i was risking our frenship for an understanding. but i failed. i din regret. u noe me. i hope u wun too. u have regretted once, i dun hope it will happen again. only u yourself know the answer. we'll grieved over this loss, we know that things will no longer be the same. but u so sure? after all all all that we've went thru? this is the end? no one thinks that u're the mean one. no one! but indeed, u did change! i mean change is constant always. everyone in the gang cares. u may think they're standing at my side. but there's so many things that we've done for one another, including u and me. the same amount! u think they wun bother bout wad u feel? u're wrong van. we love u as a fren. u noe it. think about it.
yeah. i'm trying to salvage this frenship. though u said dun bother to, and u might not read my blog animore. you r still my fren in my heart. your blog will still be read and felt. u may do anithing to cut off this tie. yet, i promise, i wun do anithing to compromise to this cutting. i'll still view your friendster profile. your blogs. your photo album. to know that u're alright.
u know how much it hurts to do this.
u r not that strong. u can despise me for trying to predict u. yet i still know tat, u're not that strong.

2005-06-13T11:50:00.000-07:00

to van

hey girl. this post is just for u.
i kinda know how it feels like to lose a man that u fell for...
i totally understand that is pain, its hard and its unforgettable.
things just don't seemed right when someone who's always by your side suddenly disappear.
it just dun feel good and dun feel right.
every night, images and memories just flows back into your mind?
when u try to force urself to sleep, its like you'll dream of him?
ITS HARD!
and you'll cry.
people around persuade you to forget and let him go.
yet deep within? only u and urself know.
we as frens can only be angry and be there for you.
yet we will never be able to feel wad you felt.
just wanna let you know.
we'll always be herE?
i believe right now all you need is just
a little strength
a little love
a little boldness
a little time
a little cruel
a little sacrifice
and lots of frens? haha..
we're here.
ITS NOT EASY!
but u make the decision and i believe.
u can do it. just like in the past.
time heals. it realli does. so relax.
i wun push u? i just want u to learn to let go what's not yours and what's not gonna be yours!
its gonna hurt. once and for all. JUST DO IT!

2005-05-25T22:32:00.000-07:00

just a simple question, rounded in my mind.

am i forgotten?

2005-05-16T00:47:00.000-07:00

ok. here i am, in my school's library.
waiting for squash.
so only have 10 mins to blog. let's go!

i miss my peeps.
i miss the past.
i miss my freedom.
i miss my time.
i miss going out and enjoy.
i miss meeting up with u all.
i miss spending time at home with my family.
i miss damai food.
i miss slacking.
i miss having time to sleep in the afternoon.

i miss all that i used to have.
cos now all that i can have and is facing is books.

i'm trying hard to love my school and class.
well, somehow i manage to do so.
God's grace is with me.
though now, all i have is books.
i dun dare to open. dun dare to trust.
afraid that the real me will not be accepted in this place.
i'm waiting, for this opportunity whereby, i will step up and be FATTY!

I READ!! zh, jo,van, puty ( though idun even understand a single word.) and blahblah's blog.
i realised how much i wish i was there with them when they need people.
just wanna tell u guys, i'm here.
i may not seem to, but i'm still concern and still cares.
just a sms, i'll try to be there.
library? pathetic, can't imagine i'm bloggin here.

i really hope that i'll have time so that we can meet again.
i really hope that we'll appreciate each other as much as we used to.
JC a new phase of life for all of us.
lets really look forward for better and not worst.
i'm positive! how bout u?
jia you! no matter wad, just remember u guys stay haf me! the fatty.

PS. jo. your pics are cool. no worries. no talent but its can be developed.
i can that in u! muahahahahaha!!!

2005-05-05T08:10:00.000-07:00

long time once!

ok. here is my blog since a long time. even right now as i'm bloggin. lots of things are running thru my mind.
studies? personal? commitments? fun?
i dunno. so many so many..
but seriously, just a sudden ponder of these questions..
" what is expected of me as a friend? a daughter? a Christian? a JC student? a new squash player? "
i dunno. i'm gettin really confused u c?
i dun wanna care about wad others think.....
but sometimes, i will wonder, other than in front of my peeps and church mates.
" am i being me? "
its not an act! i'm just lost sometimes.
i'm getting nowhere running against time. i'm losing.
i just pray that, i'll get back to track asap. can i?
we'll c......
so much to do with so little time.
where's my world?!

2005-04-13T02:47:00.000-07:00

a new day a new start!

i cried yesterday.
really cried my hearts out.
was on phone with my beloved cousin, jocelin.
i felt terrible. just as i blogged.
i talked to jocelin bout wad's happening to me.
thank goodness, she understood exactly how i felt.
she experienced it b4.
it felt good to have someone tt totally understand how it was like.
really thank God for a sister liddat.
i felt comforted after toking to her.
she reminded me and gave advices that i've neglected.
as i was trying hard to be part of MJC.
i was totally encouraged to move on n be strong.
i've got a lot to do in MJC!
n there it goes.
i ran strong today.
i was refreshed with a total new mindset and positive attitude as i was on my way to school.
thanks to jocelin's word of wisdom.
it really does help.
my day went ok. not as bad as it used to be in the past few days.
i was SIMPLY pleased with the smallest accomplishment i made.
even just a word with someone i dunno in my class.
Thank God for all this.
if not, i wun be brave enough to face this on my own.
really.
u may think i'm religious
yet, i'm really strengthened. and i have changed my perspective of JC life!
like i say....
WATCH OUT, GOOD THINGS ARE GONNA COME iN MY WAY!
woohoo........

2005-04-12T07:23:00.000-07:00

MJC

yeah. my school.
guess some of u may be hearing that this school is wonderful!
yeah. the school is good.
yet i'm not.
haha. how scary can it be?
i wonder, y can't i just open my mouth and tok!
it just seemed so hard. so darn hard!
how many time i urged myself to be nice, be natural and be fun.
i failed. i dun understand y also.
my heart screamed HELP!!!
i prayed so hard for this, waiting for a miracle!
and believed that it wun be long... so wait for my good news!
i know i can go thru this!
n that God will bring me through no matter wad comes b4 me!
nothing shall stumble me!

also, i dunno how others r doing, but i'm struggling academically.
there is really so little time yet tonnes of work to be done.
i sometimes really just can't catch with what the lecturer is talking about.
can only pray that they wun come n ask my ques!
cos i wun be able to answer them anything!
haha.
i'll try! never stop trying!
though i noe its hard,
BUT, i also know.
I CAN DO THIS!

2005-03-24T06:10:00.000-08:00

have i changed?

" u changed ...really changed... u r not the eileen tat i knew.. " wei jie messaged.
" wad la. kuku la. later i cry out liao le.. " i replied.
" Really lo...last time u still lik can joke alot de.. dunno la..feel tat u really changed.." -wei jie
blehz.....
1001 times, this question i pondered for today.
y does he sound so serious?
have i really changed?
a moment of unhappiness/venting of anger = i really changed?
am i still not the samE?
or issit real that people do change without themselves knowing?
what's the problem with me?
ain't i suppose to be secure with hu i am?
am i really tat bad now?
am i really a different eileen tat i used to be?
can't i joked around like last time?
am i tat bad in my fren's eyes now?
have i really changeD?
someone tell me. PLEASE!

2005-03-23T06:30:00.000-08:00

afraid...
i'm feeling awful right now... real awful....
i just wanted to start my JC life right. yet my 1st day dun seemed so right.
people there haf their clicks, my OG only haf a few newbies who dunno almost everything?
we talked a little yet nothing more in depth, nothing more interesting.
the moment i walked into the threatre hall, sat down, i tot...
how r the others doing? ( puty, jo, chun, fred, vann, pl, zh blah blah )
r they the same as me??
i felt lonely.. having no one around me, having only strangers upon strangers..
have u ever felt that? sitting in a room, full of pple, yet none gives u a sense of security?
i admit, i was afraid! afraid....

i tot its wasn't that bad cos i had joyce. but too bad, i might not be seeing her only at breaks, or after school? pathetic? my only someone i can tok to... AWFUL!
i wonder hu can understand?
take my word for it. having 1 good fren with u is better than none.. Like me? pathetic.
i consoled myself things r going to be better...
but freak.. the fact is i'm feeling lk hell right now??
no one to trust.. no one to laugh with... no one to share...
i say again.. i'm getting afraid.

eileen, someone that u think might be able to get frens easily?
u're wrong, i struggled to take intiative, i struggled to open my mouth n speak!
tok! sounds so easy yet hard when u're facing a bunch of strangers of ALL kinds.
i was afraid!!

finally, the day of shut up end.
i met joyce and received messages " so how's school? " many times...
i typed the same messages for thousands of times, i got a little irritated though..
so sorry if i din reply u... its just din went well, weird.. guess tats wad i replied to most of u...
JC a place where i've always been rather negative about. i'm landed right at it!

later online.
met jo. tok a little and it din feel good.. was it me? i think so.
guess i was having a little attitude prob! i dun dare to blame jo, cos i noe i felt awful.
sorry jo! it was just a moment of LOUSY me!
i dun neeed go TAF lah, not joining steffie at OG or floorball as well. haha....
happy that TPJC has all the yan daos n chio bus. unlike MJC!! none!
met yj, conversation started ok. den mw came.
well... there goes the tok..
i'm sorry if i was rude.. i noe..
but i just wanna say. i dun have any JC frens in MJC.
i dun even feel good in MJC for this moment..
wad can i say? i felt bad saying things that sounds so bad.
but i'm still EILEEN, the fatty that u guys always say.
i have not changed! i just felt pressured!!
i can't even enjoy myself, yet y must i being said tat i'm forsaking my beloved frens for those bunch of strangers?
it hurt me. do u noe how bad i felt therE? how forsaken n left out i felt?
i dun even feel a sense of belonging. how to have frens?
i really dun watch ghost show. i'm really tired. i'm really going out with my mum!!
everything i said was true! i dun lie.
i'm still ME!
MJC is not gonna change me!
i dunno wad u will think or say. i dun bother le.....
its just a moment of dissapointment when i received those words from u 2. it hurts though.
do u understand? i doubt so.

its ok!! 2 yearS? all i can do is to pray for better? pray that everything will go well once again.. n pray that i'm still ME in your eyes?
i hope i can do it!
van, zh, puty, jo, chun, fred, puay ling, thad, ming wei, wei jie, guan hui n yan jiang.
i hope u guys can do it as well! n noe that u can! no matter wad, no matter when, just find me when u need someone. i dun want u guys to feel wad i felt just right today..
an unexpressible emptiness...

2005-03-18T07:51:00.000-08:00

Bugger's birthday and a penny of thoughts...!

yesh... 17... but i bet he's still the same as ever...
well... wasn't that day wonderful....?? i mean its really a gathering. a gathering with full of joys n laughters.. ming wei better appreciate.! haha. i truely felt a sense of bliss in my heart with our gang. though we always have people unable to come and stuff liddat. though we're all different. though we think different, dress differenet, act different... it just still wun affect wad we can enjoy and be happy about!!!
A big Thank You to all of u... u guys have played a part in lighting up my life... that day is locked in my mind. the sitting there bbqing.. the 2 go tian mi mi... cyrus the dog... the wei jie only eatin and not contributing... the 2 brothers doing or wadeva with SMACK K.. the talk with van n chun about Ray... the cock sound from zh's hp... the wilfred house full of ashes... the watermelon on the floor... the twister that cramp my leg.. the chicken that hao ge n lam concentrate on... the failure of rockets due to no QC... the puayling getting headache... the smashing of cake on mw's face.. the freddie gayest dance.. the photo-taking sessions with hashbrowns cooking... the additional of guest nicole... the absence of thad and puty... the marshmallows as well.. haha..
wad a wonderful dayy....
i'll really try to put them at the back of my hearts. so that when i take it out, i'm gonna smile thru it..
i really appreciate having the time to come together, wow.. i realised how impactful it can be... despite of all the past we had went thru, Thank God.. This is what we have now... when i looked back, deSPITE of the lots of pains, sorrows, tears, disppointment, anger, frustration, hatred, ignorance.... finally, we are who we are today... we have what we have today.. i'm glad. hope u r too.....

one night, i couldn't slp... all the memories came back into my mind.. this is b4 bugger's celebration.. small details of my secondary life began to appear in my mind... i admit, i have regrets.. regrets that can never be filled again... yesh, i have sadness, all had past though.. true, i felt rejections, but i no longer feel that way... ha, also hurt, when i was being ditched! on the contrary... i was also reminded of the happiness i recieved, all the blessings that all the pains brought behind it..
isn't life great?
isn't it amzing..
details just kept flowing thru and thru and thru my mind.. it just din stop!!! wow!!! i felt fulfilled.. i felt that though my life is not as messy and colourful as some other people lk vann! hu will be reading this.. but i felt a true satisfaction in my heart... all that i haf went thru made me grow.. it was all worthwhile. i feel silly when i think about things i've done in the past. rather stupid sometimes.. but all has past, i'm a new creation in God. tat's when i found myself actually...... tat's when things change! believe it or not.. my life is turned totally... true.. i still fall, but now i noe how to get up and be strong! i'm also still the eileen among frens.. hope will not change!
however, i noe.......
i'm still young....
lots of things ahead waiting for me...
but for now...
i'm satisfied with wad i have in my hands...
i'll cherish it...
even if one day, i haf to let go...
also, i'm satisfied with wad i Had....
all that make me who i am now...
all that make me grow and get stronger...
plus, i believe i'm gonna be satisfy with what i will have..
its all planned...
no matter wad, i'm gonna walk thru it...

i promised and is promised that my life will be good.. not smooth.. but yet full of purpose and destiny!! future. i'm coming...
but.. i'm inviting u guys, my frens, my peeps, u noe who u r..
to walk with me in my walk to the future... r u coming?????
i wonder........

JOSEPH TAY CHAR CHAR

2005-03-11T07:41:00.000-08:00

hey. i noe u ain't gonna laugh at the title. but jo, this blog is for u!!! =)
dude, u r definately a great fren man.. noe that this few days u were having some PMS thingy, but its not gonna affect our friendships i believe. in our hearts, u will always be the jo that we noe. [ humourous, funny, joker, sarcastic, evil, do ppt for us, thrifty?, hardworking, filial, idiotic at times ] it is a good thing that u r being u. but definately u have bigger responsibilities other than just being urself rite? u have the ability! u decide ur destiny dude! whether to be happy or to be sad. to be positive or to be negative. to be cool or just be act cool.
u r no small person man. u can make us laugh! even laugh lk crazy. at least i do. u noe when to be funny, when to be serious. u r the man! among us, u can do so many things that others can't. u can even affect atmosphere sometimes. i can't imagine our gang without u! come on! u got more things to do! so dun be stuck in PMS! break it out!!! u can do it!!!
if ever, u dun wish to be back the jo? or u're unable to be the old jo? its ok....... we're friends! i accept who u r, n who u will be, or who u used to be! i mean not just me, we all will. just wanna let u know that we care! whoever u r. u have made a difference! try your best and continue to do that! i confirm, u'll definately be in our group's very own history book! smile! jia you jo!! big ability comes with big responsibilities. [wadeva that spiderman thing says]

re.

2005-03-05T08:22:00.000-08:00

hey pple. long since i blog, pple who dun read my blog u wun realise that! haha. thanx jo! at least u bother to know that its collecting webs? hahaha...
basically, this blog will be an overall for this whole week... a tough week....
as usual, we received our results on monday. my results was a miracle. a blessing from heaven i should say. i can confess that indeed i did not put as much effort as my other classmates, even my buddies... i din start my revision as early as some of those. i bet some will be complaining how unfair it can be. i felt that too.. before gettin the results, mr cho came over to me, push my head and never stop calling me bimbo! i was totally shocked, i was thinking, did i flung my bio or something? he seemed kinda serious then, i was freaked out by him man... but then later, i realised it was more of the positive... haha... i received my results with shocked and unbelief. i din even wanna c my results slip when i got it in my hands. cos i was so afraid for my frens. i din noe how to react.

English - B3
Humans - A2
E Maths - A1
A Maths - A2
Science - A1
Biology - B3
Chinese - A1
L1R5 - 10, L1R4 - 8

wad a result. came as a surprise to every single one i guess. someone who dislike the eng teacher, refuse to hear her speak in class, wasn't even concentrating when she talks. someone who always stands up in bio class, unable to answer wad the teacher is asking unless pple hint, even being called a bimbo. someone who have no choice but to hate physics and never able to pass with good results, either a fail/ a borderline pass. someone who seldom practices maths qns for tests until end of year when forced to, loves it yet still a little lazy. someone who thinks that the chem teacher is bias, dun really like to enter into his class cos ask a lot of ques which causes stress in the class. someone that never fails to fail her SS and gets borderline pass in all her geog tests. someone who is more interested about her fren's life rather than studies! yeah. isn't that someone me? that's me. i really thank God for my results. yet i was so afraid of what my peeps will think.
i just wanna tell u all, i did put effort at 'o' levels, more than usual definately. but all those parts of me are me. this results comes real unexpectedly. i was so afraid that u guys will think that i'm actually faking or crapping thru. its me! real me! please dun ever think that i was just acting lazy thru my sec life. it's me.. just that 'o' levels was a miracle! u guys are too important to me man, tat's y i'm so concern. I'M STILL ME.!!! please dun mistaken me!
sometimes, i felt bad to get my results, somehow or rather i just think i dun deserve my results. i just wanna be among u guys, not an extra liddat... realli... but wad more can i say.. i decided to feel blessed rather than bad! frenz, pls understand!
had a hard time deciding on where to go after results. had a talk with my cousin, my church frens, my dad, my aunt, my frens, tuty esp. i knew almost everything and anything, yet just couldn't decide but finallly i made up my mind, its gonna be Meridian JC. den Tampines JC. blah blah blah... its gonna be hard, i know... but i'm believing God will help me pull thru just like He did for me in my 'O's... peeps, u guys also gotta jia you in JCs man. MY CONCLUSION IS, NO SLACKING IS ALLOWED! =)
anyway, i enjoyed the company with my buddies man. on mon after getting results. movie was alright, yet our moods due to the get-together jus seemed great. on wed, thad's birthday, i enjoyed the meal. hahaha. wadeva u're gonna say about it. haha. hitch was good, quite cool and interesting, rather sweet as well... haha.. wad's more, the more we get together, the merrier we'll be! i love being around wif u peeps! u guys just able to brighten my day! thanx! i really really wanna say thank u to every single one of u!!! love is not a simple word. But i love u guys man!!! =) pls remember me... no matter wad can? even as fatty i also dun mind lah. haha... i'll keep all of u in my prayers man.... !

smile.

2005-02-22T02:44:00.000-08:00

smile.
such a simple word but yet powerful.
i've realised it just today.
at work.
a smile to your boss represents respect!
a smile to your supervisor means"i'm ok!"
a smile to your costumers cos they pay money.
a smile to your colleugues might change their moods.....
everyone is busy but 1 smile on your face might help them lossen their stress...
i did it though i ain't feeling good at all. haha.
i managed to make my stressed up colleugue smile back..
hu will understand how does it feel? i bet u dun! ha!
a smile at work is inevitable! i'v learnt it.
at home.
a smile to your parents make them feel ease and please.
a smile to your sibling make them feel awkard! ha.
a smile to your ah ma make her feel that "ah girl has grown up"
after a long day of work, seeing a smile from your family member's face can stregthen u from a 0 to 7... 10 is impossible!
among friends.
a smile to a friend on the street means "i remember seeing u!"
a smile to a friend who just lost something can console them.
a smile to a good friend is plain chicky
a smile to your best friend seldom happen coz we laughed and tok cock! no smile!
haha.. isn't it truE?
but i've come up with a conclusion.
if your smile will not harm you and it pleases others,
wad r u hesitating about? SMILE!
you wun noe how much it means to someone elsE!

MAN FU YUAN!

2005-02-15T06:56:00.000-08:00

TIRED.DRAINED OUT.FREAKED OUT.SICKENING!

i went to work as usual, 7am to 3pm. taking enli's place actually.
so wad happen?
early in the morning, the moment i step in the kitchen and saw my MOST 'FAVORITE' supervisor, my mood change totally! Jason ( my colleugue) knew it too, one that shares the share view as me. Mel ( that supervisor! ) obviously picks on Jason, i really pity him man. Mel is UNFAIR! arghh.. spoil my day. So, i was quite silent when working, time passes real slow today, not many costumer. Last minute lunch reservations were canceled, so i was told i could leave at 12nn whch is cool.( didn't wanna c Mel ) But manager came in n asked me whether i can work at Man Fu Yuan ( High class chinese resaturant ) til 3 den.. so i agreed, never tried b4 so no harm trying, summore $18 more. Haha.

However..
it was my worst nightmare in Intercontinental Hotel!
I was trying out the uniform for the reataurant, its cool. i like it soooo much man... but all turned 360 degrees when i started working.
at first, i was just told to wait for dishes to come out and i sent it to the respective stations. simple and interesting. but later, pple started asking me to clear plates.. the things were real HEAVY. i took one tray full of plates, glasses and all.. its was heavy, my hands alreadi wobbly and i was so afraid i can't take it anymore. Thank God! i did it. unfortunately, 2 big claypots of some soup ( looks real expensive though) came out and someone told me to take it to the room. it was the most far room from the kitchen. from the start, i knew i might not do it, but the people there realli tot i could take those weights! they were wrong! i can't. my hand ain't strong at all... so guess waD? i dropped the dishes! that's it, i knew its gonna be liddat, i really tried my best!!!! the aisle was narrow, people blocking.. my hands were shaking lk wad! surely, it'll fall! freak! i was like keep saying freak for thousands of time! y do they assume that everyone is lk them? i can't. i've never worked there. i'm not like them. so immediately, one guy told me to ask the chef to prepare the same dish. now i've got a phobia. i really dun dare to take 2 at the same time anymore. i'll admit to them i can't! wad's more. a claypot full of soup. gotta take again! i was so afraid! now? the soup was overflowing. flowing onto my hands. yes! it was painful, imagine a just-cooked soup pouring on ur hands? Pain! but other den tolerate wad can i do. i can't drop anithing else isn't it! at that point of time, i promised, i'll never work there again! even if there got many shuai ge ( though there was none) i also wun go there animore! NEVER!!! i told the manger of MAN FU YUAN, you'll never c me here again! he's nice la. i told the staff there as well, i die also wun wanna work here! can imagine how freaked and fed up i was.
NARROW PATHWAYS IN BOTH KITCHEN AND RESTAURANT. WELL-TRAINED/EXPERIENCED WAITRESS UNLIKE ME. HIGH DEMAND OF EFFECTIVENESS AND SPEED.HOT SOUP SPILLING ON HAND.CLEARING PLATES FULL OF SAUCES AND BONES WITH BARE HANDS. SMELLY.
i really can't take it! i felt so blessed. i'm working in OLIVE TREE not MAN FU YUAN! freaked!!!

sooo.. i came out of the hotel still freaked! my parents were waiting for me. complain everything to them! den go make contact lens... haha... wanted to go bowling but leg was wobbly, unable to play, once squad cannot come up one...! so we went home! i'm still freaked! oh! didn't really get to c vincE! n to vann, no sparkles...

vince

2005-02-13T08:03:00.000-08:00

the yan dao at my workplacE?

Just a dayyyy....

2005-02-13T06:54:00.000-08:00

so wassup with me today.. pple like van n tuty knows where did i go... haha. its ok. i'm gonna share it here though.

went to my cousin's house to celebrate her birthday today in the earli afternoon... in the middle i was stayed by my cousins when i'm suppose to leave to meet someone! its not my fault to be well-liked by pple. they just dun wan me to go.. hahaha... so i was late for 40 mins.. but tHANK God. he wasn't early, i told him i was gonna be late! so here it goes....

the guy is the one that i kinda gotta crushed on! the 19 years old shuai ge from my workplace!! woohoo!!! hahaha...... Unexpectedly, he dressed cutely.. haha.. a blue and white checkered collared button up shirt and a 3/4 pants and a adidas shoe! its rather young... he looks much shorter when he wear like that! haha... must be thinking hat we were doin? all we did was talked and walked and talked and walked..... haha.. the entire suntec city? and the whole of raffles city?? and hardly enter ani of the shops! cool huh? haha.. tired ah...!! he sound like a fashion consultant to me leh.. he gave me some comments on improving my outlooks? but nevertheless, i'm not gonna listen! haha.. i am me, wan also i wan myself mah.. aniway. after that we had kenny rogers for dinner! i mean HE! i din eat though, i was busy taking his pic for my peeps! haha.. the pic din came out well at all man.. irritatin huh? he's a nice chap lah... veri gentleman unlike zuohan but he quite quiet so so.. a bit weird weird sometimes.. i enjoyed his company.... definately, i'm not fallin for him. sorry peeps. disappoint u all le. haha

sooo... expecting sometimes veri unexpected? too bad.. nth much today... so sorry zuohan... muhahaha.. tat's reali all man.. enjoy ur valentine's day! =)

WoOhOo!!!

2005-02-11T00:21:00.000-08:00

hi u pple reading... i noe most pple might not read my blog! tat's not low self-esteem, just a thought lah! okkk.... its been REAL long since i blog! so i've decided to start tis new blog, cover all the past and start afresh in my life! just a recap on what's happening in my life~

INTERCONTINENTAL HOTEL.OLIVE TREE RESTAURANT.WAITRESS is what i am working as these days... well... i'm enjoying my job with my mostly Malaysian collegues! they're real nice man... but when they tok, got this slang... i'm so afraid that i might pick that up.!! its funny though... the guys there likes to flick pple's back / hands! it hurtz!!! sickening... and.. i just can get away from my identity as a PIGGY!!! there, at my workplace, my captain calls mi " zhu tou! (pighead)" tat's fate isn't it? i just can't get away from that man!!!! sick! ALL the guys there are cool and frenly except for that supervisor MEL (tat forever se peh peh look)!!! haha!!! well.. girls r nice as well!!! BUT they all never fail to get vulgarities out of their mouths!!! hahaha... #$%*!)!@!#@$^*&% everytime.....

now the interesting part is.... there's a yan dao around there!! i didn't noe tat coz we always work different shift!! i only saw him for 2 briefings.... his hair looks veri veri cool.... he's cute!! until this tues, 08.02.04... we worked together, same shift!! 7am to 3pm... tat's long.... wad's more? i'm working at the same station with him.. that requires communication and all tt lah... busy lo... busy seeing him and doing my job. haha...he's veri frenly, smily, serious when work.. cool man... i gave him my number when he asked and now we good frens lah.. haha... shuai! i owe some pple his pic.. i'll try to get them k? hahaha.... aniway.. its lk a crush. so pple! dun get too serious bout this man... lol...

new year is a great blessing for me.. ang bao money woooo... but of cos, i'll give money back to my parents so that they wun be pressured by the giving of ang baos lah.. filial.. that's wad me and my bro do every single year.. pple! learn!! muhahahaha....
my life has been cool... work is definately enjoyable... though quite tired lah.. but overall, AWESOME!!!! hahaha.... i'll try to keep updating! =)